girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
