and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
