I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize