i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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