I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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