I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
