Don't you send me to vm
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
