shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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