I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
