He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize