if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
