Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
