I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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