I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
