Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
