i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
