I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
