i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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