You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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