It was confusing and full of hummus
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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