Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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