Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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