I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
