Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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