I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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