Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
