she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
