I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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