I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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