bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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