Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize