Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Life is so much better after having sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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