how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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