dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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