A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
