I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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