areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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