Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
