hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
