Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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