My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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