I cockslap morals
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
