My friends, they love my intelligence
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
