My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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