He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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