Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
