lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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