I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
