You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
