Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
