Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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