I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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