I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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