I just made out with a guy for $7.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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