and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
