Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
