I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
