that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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