how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize