so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
