That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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