Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
