You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
