I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
