Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
