I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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