Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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