Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
