the condom got lost in my hair
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
