is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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