FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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