Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
