I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
