If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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