Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
